Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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