He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
