so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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