I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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