if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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