mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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