So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
