Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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