what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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