just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
