I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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