Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
