I love black thongs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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