My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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