this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
