vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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