wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
