watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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