I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
