There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
