i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
