i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just blew my weed a kiss
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
