i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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