Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
