Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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