Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
