perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
