It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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