Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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