What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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