I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
