just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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