Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
