If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
