Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
