White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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