When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
