ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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