i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
