So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
