the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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