He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
