foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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