You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
