You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
