Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
