also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
