I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
