And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
