haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
