she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
