I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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