Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
