Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
