Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
