I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
