So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
