he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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