we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
