i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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