i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
