Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
