I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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