i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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