I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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