Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
