So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
