he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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