Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
